Was in need of a little self-care and normally that involves playing games. I needed something different so I blasted some dance music and danced around like no one was watching. I mean, no one was, but still. It’s one of those things, where I feel really self-conscious even though I’m alone. I feel silly and wonder what I look like. I imagine someone laughing their ass of at me for even attempting it. I pushed through that and really just enjoyed the music. I enjoyed the way my body felt, the way it moved and noticed that it moved easier. I didn’t feel fat dancing and that made me happier, so I let go more.

Let me tell ya, I got my workout in! It was such an incredible high and I was extremely proud of myself. Every day, I’m learning to just be. To just be present in the moment, is a truly blessed way to be. Fuck yeah, I danced my ass off.

In other news, I decided to make today a carb cycling day and I enjoyed myself immensely. Keto isn’t a drag, combined with intermittent fasting and now carb cycling, it’s the perfect way of eating for me.

Liam and I had another good conversation, this time about getting back with exes. I think most people have done it once or twice. You hope that enough time has elapsed, lessons have been learned, growth as individuals has happened. Therefore, the pitfalls of the previous attempt can be avoided. Unless you had a peaceful parting of ways, you’re picking up right where you left off. A place of discontent, mistrust and hurt. So maybe you can discuss and negotiate better. Great! Alot of the time, you don’t want to, you don’t want to hash things out, you don’t want to bring up the old feelings because you just want to start fresh.

You’re just not. I’ve gotten back with M numerous times, and we’ve never really talked about anything from before. We kind of discussed Florida, but this last time I tried talking about things and he shut me down. I started to think it really didn’t matter, that things had changed enough so I could let bygones be bygones. Which contributed to my breakdown in communication, which is a recurring problem for us. See the pattern? That vicious cycle?

Somehow that transitioned into a discussion on anime and a character named Diane from Seven Deadly Sins. Diane displays this fierce loyalty and love for Meliodas. She fights alongside him, she risks her life to save his. She fixates on how to be more appealing to hopefully win some sign of affection from him, but it becomes clear early on that he doesn’t love her romantically. Of course, true to tragic love story form, he falls in love with someone else. Unrequited love is such a fucking tough pill to swallow. But what is more difficult, is being with someone who does love you, in their own way. Who is fond of you, who is affectionate and does want something with you. How do you express your love, how do you unselfishly pour your heart into the relationship? With M he didn’t get that complete side of me. It isn’t his fault, I put myself in that situation over and over because I love him. To me it’s worth it, to give him that. There’s a lot more to that situation though so I wasn’t my amazing loving self.

Finally, we discussed whether people would ever talk to us again and we acknowledge, no ones going to bat for us with them. No one will urge them to work things out, to be friends again.

We’re cool though

Time for some cold case files and aliens viewing. Oh and some reincarnation thrown in for good measure