I find it funny that whenever I start a healthy and positive routine, I immediately get sick. Over the past week I’ve been dealing with a head cold. Nothing terribly bad but it hasn’t been alot of fun. I have been feeling better the last couple days though. Today I was able to do a bit of tidying up, which makes me feel 25% better lol.

Of course with the extra down time, comes overthinking. Thinking about M, about the upcoming memorial service for my mom and finding my birth family.

I know I decided not to reach out to my bio family but there’s a part of me that wants to. I’m scared, I’ll definitely admit to that. What if they don’t know I exist? What if they know I exist and don’t care? What about holidays and my birthday? Do those days go by without giving me a thought?

Concerning the memorial service, the oldest will try to make it down and the youngest is going but honestly, I don’t want to. However, I feel this is an obligation I have to see through. I had a sickening thought that my “dad” might show up. I wish I could fast forward the next 2 weeks and warp speed through the day.

Wish I had M as back up

Also, it feels like fall… Not sure why but my body tells me it is. Absolutely ready for it.