It days like these that I feel lonely. Most of the time I’m okay but not having anyone to really turn to or share these experiences with can get to me. Sometimes it just hits me so hard, the self-doubt, the worrying that I have screwed up relationships with my sons. I don’t feel like a particularly great mom today.

The oldest lives about 10 hours away so I don’t get to see him, the youngest I do see more. He will be going off to college so there really isn’t any reason for me to stick around. I mean, he’s not going right away but I just want to get out of here. I don’t want to live here anymore.

Feeling so disconnected with life at the moment, with myself.

The youngest graduated last week, they livestreamed it so I was able to see him walk. I cried, I’m so proud of him, he struggled with not being able to attend school. One, he was able to get away from them and two, he’s just a very sociable person. They started hybrid learning so he was able to see his friends some.

Anyway, I’m not sad or depressed. Just feel separate from everything. Hopefully this feeling goes away soon.