It’s been maybe about 2 weeks since M and I spoke last. Since he made it clear that we had been just friends this entire time, I kind of wasn’t available for him one night. I wasn’t trying to be petty, but honestly I’m going to sleep over talking with a friend. It’s just how it is, of course I’ll always be there for friends but… Okay, maybe it was pettiness. I don’t know.

Anyways, I sent him a text that morning he replied hours later and I didn’t reply. It really wasn’t an important text and his reply wasn’t really worth replying to? So he calls late at night and then the next morning I returned the phone call. Seem like a normal start to the call, he was talking with his mom and I was sitting there quietly waiting for my turn. He talked about a few things and then not rudely but asked why I had called. I stated that I was returning his call and didn’t really have anything to talk about. Which triggered another lecture from him and basically said then it was a waste of time. So I said well okay I’ll go then. Then he made some comment about getting the lawyer treatment. Referencing the fact that his lawyer hasn’t called him in, I think a month now?

So yeah, we haven’t spoken since then. Today is emotional which is odd because I haven’t been upset about it. It feels different this time because I know now nothing meant anything to him. I’m more upset with myself because had I known that we were just friends a ton of shit wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have done most of what I did. And I am devastated that I shared some of the most intimate moments with someone who saw me as just a friend. Who told me a million things that apparently weren’t true.