M called and caught me up on his day, yesterday. We touched on some things from Sunday and he reiterated he definitely wants to spend more time together. I fucking love it when he refers to himself as my man.

He’s really taken the initiative to reassure me on everything. An ex from years ago reached out to him somewhat recently and they’ve been talking a lot. It didn’t bother me but he has made it clear that they are strictly friends. Apparently she still has a thing for him, I don’t blame her. M is quite the catch lol. He says there isn’t anything there and that she’s a great friend to have. He doesn’t want me to worry or be jealous and I appreciate that so much.

Sure, negative thoughts would be easy to have right now. He’s just cutting me off at the pass but I don’t get that vibe. I fully support this friendship. He needs solid peeps who aren’t out to sabotage his life. Things are looking up, I feel it in my bones.

After our call, my youngest called and we talked about school and plans for college. We looked at a few and he narrowed it down to two. One being a backup. Very proud of him, his drive for an amazing future is inspiring. We talked for an hour then maybe 20 mins later he called back and we talked for almost another 2 hours. I’ll never get tired of those calls, which reminds me… I need to call the oldest later.

I think I’ve been entirely too hard on M. Sure, the last few weeks have made me feel less than stellar. Honestly though, M has always made me feel important. Yes we have quite the history, but no matter what he always comes back to me. As he always says, we have this unbreakable bond and we’re soulmates.

I think back to a conversation we had when he moved last year. He told me that he was tired of not having me with him, and he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life without me in it. I belonged by his side. He also tells me that I’m more than enough and that I make him very happy. Besides there’s that whole deal breaker he agreed to! He says he’s done with dating and dating sites have been cancelled. Even if the intended purpose was to simply make friends, I think it’s better. Jealousy? I won’t deny there’s some. It’s also about him not needing to put himself out there to deal with assholes who make him feel like shit.

If I haven’t made it clear, this isn’t a traditional relationship. This isn’t about romance or love, this is about connecting with someone on such a deep level that you just want them around. He and I have always said to each other “in whatever capacity”. Meaning, no matter what our relationship is or isn’t, we want to be in each other’s lives. We’ve waited so long for this, and I think the universe is finally ready to let us have it.