It’s definitely been interesting the last couple days. I received a call from M. What kills me is that fight I’ve been distraught over.. he doesn’t even remember. At this point, I’ve reached a level of peacefulness about everything and maybe that sounds like I’m brushing everything under the rug. I know I’m not, I can only hope that he realizes I’m never his enemy. There are just so many more pressing issues than how I feel right now. We talked alot last night, into the wee hours of the morning. It’s nice to have that communication again, it’s comforting even though it can be a chaotic situation at times. Things are fine, but I vow to talk about things if they become.. un-fine.

Still working on parts of this blog, I’m adding some links to sites in the bio section. These will be sites I use on a regular basis, and hope some may find them useful. Also working on a Keto page, where I’ll be adding recipes (probably not my own) and products I use. My hope is that someone finds any of this information helpful. I’ve been looking for a hobby and I guess this blog is it.

I had a bit of a melt down last night. Such negative body issues, which sucks because I had been feeling so good yesterday. I bought some new leggings and I felt incredible in them. I felt like I had lost a little weight and my confidence was up. Then I was trying on some lingerie and oh no. Every bad thought I could have about myself I had. I said a couple things to M and he told me to stop badmouthing the girl he loved. Let’s not skip over that part. I know what he means.. but I still love and need to hear it. He was very sweet with me and I still feel a little blah but grateful for his talk. Thing is, I am overweight, that’s just a fact. I can work harder at losing it or I can accept it and be happy with who I am. I do want to lose weight but I don’t want to hate myself while doing it. Keto has never been about that, just living better was my goal. Maybe that’s changing, but I still need to maintain a level of respect and love for myself though.

Intrusive thoughts are the theme for today it seems, I’ve prayed and hope some peace of mind comes my way. Still praying for stability and better outcomes. I thought writing would make me feel better, it hasn’t. Energies feel off and maybe I’m picking up others.. I don’t know. Today doesn’t feel like a good day.