Feeling so much better today, took the necessary time to “be one with myself” and the clarity I gained is appreciated. Love and light, right? So small thing, I finally paid for a year on this blog, free domain and spruced up the site a bit. No one probably cares or will notice but it felt good to follow through on that. Yesterday I learned that the boys’ dad might have cancer again. He’s going for a consultation early next week. They haven’t been told, especially since the youngest turns 18 later in the week. That boy has so many ideas for his future, I’m totally here for them! Very proud of both of them, they haven’t had it easy but they power through it all.

So todays thoughts are about stability. It’s all I ever wanted growing up, in relationships and life in general. I think we all desire that. I crave it now more than ever. I’ve dealt with impending evictions, homelessness, guys who had good intentions but couldn’t deliver, guys who wanted commitment but only on their terms. I’ve never felt truly stable in life. I would love to wake up every morning knowing that I’d never have to look for another place to live and the man I was with was never leaving. I know, none of that can be guaranteed. Life is life… it’s ever changing and challenging. That’s a good thing, right? I’m appreciative of all that I’ve been given, God has always made sure I was provided for, even during those really dark times. He’ll continue to do so, I’m just not the most patient girl.

I say that alot, but honestly.. given everything and everyone I’ve been waiting on, I’m very patient. All I can do in this moment is hope for better and keep putting in the work.

I’m about to bite the bullet on the DNA testing. Again, I don’t expect a ton of answers but I think starting to look into my adoption more will be mentally beneficial. Not sure what I can find out, given the state I live in. I’ll get back on the adoption forums and sites.

Just a quick post today, trying to maintain this natural high