I think saying things have been a roller coaster recently doesn’t quite paint the picture. I’m not sure what happened, I’m not sure why things continue to be such a shit show. What I am sure of though, is that I am fucking done with 2020.

I don’t understand what is so fundamentally wrong with me. I don’t think my heart can take anymore of anything. I changed my number and if anyone really wants to find me and contact me, then they will. And if I never hear from anyone again, then that’s exactly what the Lord wanted.

I know it sounds like I’m whining, I’m just resolved. I’ll move on if that’s what God wants me to do, and I’ll be fine. Just like many other people, I’ve gone through some shit. I’ve survived, and I will continue to do so.

Will I ever stop feeling like a burden? Like a fucking obligation?? Like I’m just so fucking hard to deal with??