Another early early morning, it’s really quiet and still in the house. I love this time. I can think and most of the time, write. I took a nap yesterday and when I woke up my youngest was here, his dad had been admitted to the hospital. He’s been in another accident, last year he fell off a truck and during an evaluation they discovered he had a heart condition. Doctor expects him to be fine and probably will be discharged today or soon. It surprises me how I feel when I hear news like this. I feel sorry for my boys but don’t really have any emotions beyond that. I do wish him a speedy recovery though.

It was nice to have a little visit, my son is absolutely a great person. I love him and his brother immensely and I thank God that I was chosen to be their mom. As always, I worry that I’ve done enough. I can only hope as they go through life, they understand why I did the things I did.

After he left, I went back to sleep. I’ve been waking up really early the last couple weeks, it’s been great though. I’ve been doing my stretches, spending time with God, taking time to really listen to my body and what it needs right now. Sleep seems to be what it needs most, and I’ve been fortunate to have some quality rest

The last month has been interesting. M and I have reconnected and started rebuilding our friendship. Alot of healing and repairing but it’s been good to let it all go. We have to take the good and take the bad.. cause, facts of life (lol). Not every thing runs smoothly at times, I can only pray and hope that at the end of the day, every thing sorts itself out. I guess we’ll see if we ever have that happy ending.

When I woke up a bit ago, my first thought was M, as always. My second thought was how I love fall. My favorite season used to be winter, but in the last couple years fall has definitely taken the number one spot. I just feel a sense of calmness, a sense of purpose, and a sense of hopefulness. I daydreamed a little about what a perfect evening would be like. Outside, a soft rain.. inside, a slow burning fire while sitting on the couch. Just listening to jazz records on an old record player found at a yard sale, while snuggling and sipping on a drink. There would be little conversation but mostly silence while the music is appreciated. Those comfortable silences, where you can just exist with one another… Those are the best moments. I really miss that, quiet evenings at home with that someone special.

Finding someone you can let it all go with is a treasure to find. We place alot of expectations on our loved ones, we have to remember that they need down time too. We have to be willing to sit with them while they ugly cry, while they vent and when they need you to just hold and soothe them. Men are expected to be “men”, I respect my partner so much when they are able to be vulnerable with me. I’m suppose to be the one person they can be like that with. There’s zero shame in a man needing his woman to comfort him, in needing to be babied a little. We tend to expect too much from each other, regardless of relationship/friendship status. We need to stop that, seriously.

While writing this, I’ve done laundry, made carne asada and spent time with God. I have a few other things to do, but I think today is going to be a chill day. I need guidance on something, so I think some more prayer and meditation is in order.

For anyone who reads this, you just received some good vibes. Don’t waste them!