People have a lot to say about the homeless, that they are lazy and take zero pride in themselves. I know that can be true, but it certainly wasn’t true in my situation. I met a guy at work, dated for 2 months and ended up pregnant. We were ok for awhile, had a decent apartment and our jobs were stable. I was taking 3 buses to get to work and as my pregnancy progressed, it became stressful. One night I broke down and he insisted I go on leave. We couldn’t afford it but there really wasn’t another option. 

Things started happening with his shifts and he went from dispatching to driving. Which meant he was relying heavily on tips. By Christmas, we had to move in with his parents, people I had seen 2 times before. We were an hour away from work, so he spent most of the week “down the hill”. Things were good but the more time we spent apart, the more distant we became. I was raising our son alone, stuck at home, and this is when my eyesight started to get worse. I was depressed, resentful and just really lonely. It got to the point his parents asked him if he had left us. He stopped calling, stayed away longer. I was sure he was cheating and I was stuck. (Sidenote: Florida guy and ex husband were met online at this time. Ex hubby was strictly a friend) This was probably a year and half/ 2 years of this. 

Eventually he pulled his head out of his ass and moved us down the hill, into a motel. We stayed there for a good bit, I remember there was a food van that would come by once a month for the people in the motel. We were broke and we decided to have our son stay with his parents. He and I bounced from motel to motel, sleeping in a park, behind buildings until we got on welfare and food stamps. I just wanted my son back, I felt like such a piece of shit. During this time, I was still talking to Florida guy and writing him letters. Doing the library thing, just to talk to him. He was the only thing keeping me sane to be honest. 

We were in motels for a few months, then were able to get another apartment and although I wasn’t working, we were ok. I felt safe, I felt like a good mom again. We were not a couple but we were cool with each other most of the time. There were those times though, he’d make it known that if I didn’t sleep with him, I could find another place to live. I couldn’t.. I wasn’t able to work, I had zero money. He would fuck me while I slept but I stayed. 

Is it any surprise I got pregnant again? Mind you, this was over the course of a few years… I had ended things with Florida guy and started talking to the man I would eventually marry. 

Of course, future ex hubby and I were starting to have feelings for each other and seeing if this really long distance relationship could work. I assumed he’d run after I told him but he stayed with me. Circumstances happened and we started struggling with money again. Ex hubby helped out although he hated the fact that ex boyfriend benefited from it. He couldn’t stand by knowing my kid and I were without food and things, though. Fast forward to me being 5 months along and we’re getting evicted.. and staying in a homeless shelter. At this time, future ex hubby decides he’s moving to America! He quit his job, sold everything and flew out here. I didn’t believe him when he called and made him describe what was around him. We had an amazing 2 weeks together, but I told him he had to go back because it wasn’t going to work. Not us, we were fantastic but I wasn’t going to be able to support him and his money was running out. 

Fortunately, we were out of the shelter before I had my second son, still living in a motel though. Florida guy made a brief appearance at this time but I was with future ex husband, so I think we chatted for a couple of days.  I think we may have moved in with his parents briefly until we got into a house and managed to get our shit together for a couple of years.

So things were back on track, right? Sure, until a hole developed in the bathroom floor and when I complained loudly about how unsafe this was for my family, we were asked to leave. We didn’t have the money to fight it and honestly it was such a shithole. So we ended moving back in with his parents, and at this time they had another son and his family staying there. Very crowded and very depressing. So that was it, for a couple more years… until he moved out and I went to visit future ex hubby, and we made plans for him to move. I think I’ll leave that story for another time.. lol

Eventually I got on SSI, moved into a house with a roommate (another storytime!) and was doing great. Of course, life just doesn’t stay amazing all the time, but I haven’t been homeless again, so I count my blessings every day.

I’ve been on the street homeless, living in a shelter homeless, living in motels homeless.. I’ve been on food stamps and welfare. I’ve been separated from my kids because I couldn’t provide the basics. I’ve felt every emotion imaginable but I know it isn’t because I was lazy or wanted someone else to fund my life. I’ve met so many people whose lives were turned upside down because they got sick, or their company downsized. Through no fault of their own, they lost everything. I’m not happy I went through any of this but I am glad survived it.