It’s really easy to get caught up in emotions, there’s so much going on in the world right now and it’s easy to just let things get you down. Let things distract you and feel like it’s hopeless, I think that’s where I’ve been. I know things are just the way they are and there really isn’t much I can do other than try to be there for people. Try to be positive, try to maintain a sense of normalcy with myself but you know it’s okay to wallow in your self-pity sometimes.

Sometimes it’s needed, sometimes you need to be sad. Feeling your emotions, really expressing them. Don’t be petty, don’t have temper tantrums and don’t be mean but you know, taking the moment to say you know what I’m sad, I’m happy, I’m angry and frustrated and figure out why exactly am I feeling this way. Then figuring out, what can I do to change that? There isn’t anything I can do to change that? Okay well then I guess I will just be frustrated for the time being. I think that’s healthy, I think that’s part of good mental health… going through those emotions and not trying to give into the “well you should be happy” mentality. If you need to go and have a good cry, then do so. There’s something to be said about taking a pillow and just screaming into it or just punching it or taking some plates outside and smashing them. There isn’t anything wrong with that, being angry is human.

I remember going to church and being taught that being angry wasn’t a good emotion to show. But God gave us that emotion right? So I think expressing it in good ways is beneficial to our mental health. Anyways, I have been here thinking about myself… I just recently had a birthday and I don’t feel old, I don’t feel older in fact I feel kind of like I’m in high school. I look at my body and I’m not happy with it but there are those who are, so I’m not really trying to change myself. I think overall I’m trying to be a better person in the long run but ultimately this is who I am. I’m willing to change and willing to learn. The last couple weeks have been rough, I have felt hopeless and lost with so much going on. I’ve been overloaded big time.

I’m not running away, sometimes sticking our head in the sand saves our sanity though. Not dealing with an individual or situation is the best course of action. I’ve also been thinking about him and maybe it’s best that he disappeared again. With my eyesight, he’d just have to take care of alot of things and I hate feeling like I’m a burden, like I’m just a bother. I feel like I’m not really useful to him

I think I’m just rambling at this point, it’s only a little after 9 p.m. Mentally exhausted and I just wish things could be different in a lot of ways. I’m going to stop right now. I was looking in my drafts and there are a couple of posts I should finish. It’s not that they’re difficult to write about ,it’s just reliving the past sometimes puts you in a funk. So I’ll probably work on that tomorrow and I think I’m going to take a social media break. Also one from writing and journaling. A full disconnect because I am not good for anyone right now.