This is a story about a man I met online. I fell in love with this man and I thought he was everything I had been needing. I took a 3 day bus ride after he bought the ticket. This was after a year, a little over a year of talking online and phone. The plan was to move somewhere else and work on getting custody of my son. Oh the dreams we had.

Then cold hard reality set in fairly quick. Things were chaotic and I wasn’t able to adjust fast enough. I shut down and wouldn’t/couldn’t communicate, he wasn’t having it and I would learn years later what was really going on. On top of all that, one of my bags went missing so I couldn’t even shower when I got to his friends house. It turned up a couple days later but I was already gone. Fun fact, they went through my bag and saw that I had conversations printed out (I’ve mentioned these before) and to this day he maintains I had some nefarious reason for it. I didn’t, they were just for me to help through some shitty times.

It hadn’t been a great trip and I had a very unpleasant encounter with my ex, who’s the father of my kids. We only had 1 at the time though. After he picked me up, we went to where he was staying. Because plans had changed, I no longer was able to stay with him. Eventually he found another friend who would take me in, but I felt like such a burden and like I had just been dumped somewhere until he could figure out what to do with me. At the time, I was terribly hurt and confused by his behavior. I contributed to the messiness of the situation, I fully own that. After a couple days, I was told I wasn’t welcomed at the friends house (the one he was staying with) and that he wanted me to go home. Except that wasn’t an easy thing to do.

I didn’t plan for that at all. I didn’t have any more money and I was on the street for a week before someone was able to wire me enough for a bus ticket. I wandered around the area until I got word my other bag arrived at the house. I was allowed to pick it up, they left it outside. Opened and gone through. I took that bag and made my way down to the bus station. I hadn’t slept much and made the mistake of sitting down, falling asleep. A guy woke me up and offered to drive me where ever I needed to go. At this point, I didn’t care if something happened to me. I prayed and got in the car with him. He didn’t take me immediately to the station, but made a stop at a house. It was raining that night and all I could do was keep praying.  He was a very nice man and I was offered to stay at his place. I was expecting to get the money the next day, so I thanked him and chose to stay at the station.

The next morning, the money didn’t come in, but my friend told me it would be sent in the next few days. This is when I started to panic (yes, at this point). I knew I couldn’t stick around the bus station so I started walking (leaving one bag behind) hoping to see a spot that was hidden but at the same time, safe. I rested at a gas station and a couple minutes later, a woman came out. I sensed her trying to read my situation, then she asked if I was ok. I explained briefly what happened and she said she was getting a room soon and I could stay with her. At this point, my options were extremely limited so I said ok and thank you. Her friend and the friends boyfriend drove up shortly and the four of us drove to get something to eat. They were kind enough to buy me something and as I sat there eating, realizing I hadn’t eaten in days, she got out of the car. A man had pulled up behind us and she was speaking to him, and that’s when I learned that he was her pimp. Ohh, ok. Things made sense now! I heard him ask who I was and she said no one. He told her to introduce us but she said “No, she’s a good girl and she’s going home”. She did mention that I was staying with her for the night. He came over anyway and leaned into the car and said hello. I quietly said hello back. Thankfully, I looked like complete crap so I didn’t think I ran the risk of being recruited.

Once we got to the motel, the other two went to do their errands and look for the bag I left behind. It wasn’t there, so that was a fail. In the meantime, the woman and I talked about life. She was interesting and made me forget for a bit. Her pimp showed up, and they talked about business… then he told her to go look for his cousin. She hesitated, looked at me then him, he responded by smacking her ass and told her again. I didn’t blame her for leaving, but wish she had made more of a fuss. He stood between me and the door, talked about the business degree he had and how it helped him with this particular business. He asked about me and if anyone was waiting for me at home. Jokingly of course, he made sure to laugh at that one. I don’t think it was very long but seemed like hours. Finally all 3 of them came back and the girlfriend said that I was staying with them. Once out, she said “There was no way I was letting you stay there.” I think her and her boyfriend saved my life that day. Turns out the pimp and the boyfriend were cousins but he wasn’t involved with that, just drugs.

The rest of my time there was spent with hookers, pimps, drug dealers and going to the beach. I saw a hooker stab her pimp at a motel party mere inches from me. That was probably the most surreal thing I have ever experienced. I did make it home, and yes, a month later, my friend called and wanted to talk. And yes, we did get back together. Oh I know, you don’t need to say it. Thing is, I don’t blame him for any of that. The part before, the him part, yes he shoulders some of it. But had I been more responsible, planned for things to go south, I would have been home sooner. I was in love and ready to start a new life with him. He had been my teacher, my guide, my friend and I fully trusted him to have my back. To be there and help me, defend me. As I said, there were other things at play and he told me he  just didn’t have the time to deal with me. He also felt I abandoned my child, I didn’t though. We had a plan and I was just following the script.

He has since apologized for all of this and I do forgive him. We both put ourselves in situations and weren’t very adult about them. It was a harrowing experience and not one I will ever repeat again.