{So.. I began writing this before a phone call we had. He did mention me staying away and I know he was letting me know, he’d definitely noticed. I still feel the way I do, and now I feel like he’s only rewarding her behavior. He’s even started referring to her as something that really pisses me off and hurts me. I’ll message, he’ll respond, I’ll respond.. and that’s it. I promised myself I’d continue with at least a daily text but it just seems pointless. It isn’t.. just feels that way.}

I don’t think M finds me very interesting which is funny because we do have a ton in common but I have difficulty communicating with him. Our phone calls end in frustration alot. I’ve noticed we can have an amazing perfect call then if we talk again, that second call always has problems. Alot of the annoyance is just the connection, followed by my quietness. I’m not trying to be, I just am. I miss him so much but I’m just being stubborn I guess. I wonder though if this even bothers him, does he even care? Is it easier for him when I stay away? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or how I’m supposed to act. I don’t want to be a source of trouble. I love this man so much and I just can’t seem to get it right. He’d say I’m overthinking, I probably am. I guess I should just continue until he says otherwise, that’s what a rational person would do? I’m just so concerned with looking like a fool. Ignoring signs. I did it for a year, I just let my suspicions pile up. I wish he’d just say yeah, I lied and led you to believe certain things.

I really wish he’d just put an end to my bullshit and let me have it.

On to other topics!

He mentioned dream traveling, something I’ve known about for years, think I remembered that? Nope. There’s a way you can travel to another person and make them feel your presence. Apparently.

I’ve known about MKUltra for awhile, but felt stupid trying to discuss it. Mandela Effect? He’d think I was nuts. I believe in possibilities, probabilities are a different matter. This stuff is fascinating and I’ve always been interested in it

Take company logos. Now I think some do change them, and don’t make a fuss about it. Like who’s going to notice? And if they do, it’s not a big deal. But what if they do, to see what we notice? What if its bigger than that and little details, facts are changed, just to see what we notice, how in tune we are and what they can get away with

Heck, I’m the person that believed they had cameras and mics in TVs YEARS AGO lol. We don’t know the tech they have. So I listened to a podcast Spirit Talk (Chris Fleming) just by chance. It was on the Hat Man, not something I’d heard about. At one point, dream invasions are mentioned and I kinda cocked my head. Immediately I thought, that seems a better explanation for what I’ve experienced.

I’ve always felt I had a sixth sense that was developing. I’ve had experiences all my life, I knew there was “more”. The truth is out there, right? A few years ago I started having these “dreams” that mainly consisted of me dreaming of me… laying in my bed. Occasionally, I’d be doing something but in every dream, I felt like I was being haunted. Not typical I’m dreaming of being haunted but like something was being projected into my dream. I’d have to tell myself I had to scream to wake up and I would be attempting to when I finally woke up. I told my son and my ex husband about all of this and both believed me (thankfully) and my son agreed that it didn’t sound like sleep paralysis. He’s had some experiences of his own. I should mention the very first dream I had that kickstarted this, I was pulling a black mist out of my son.. Dream was crazy but during it I felt like something was there, right behind me as I slept. I always felt that, then one time, I had a flash of an alien. Just sitting beside my bed.

So here’s where I sound crazy (really, here?) I felt like it had made me see it. In my dream, I thought.. Oh that makes sense. It’s aliens…

Um, yeah

Back to the podcast, it was an interesting listen, there’s mention of the jinn, mention of the hat man seen in an underground base.. he starts asking about the government and military and how much they know about this stuff. I don’t know, but I know there is just more to what we see and hear on the surface level